7 ways to support a child or young person bereaved of both parents

Supporting a child or young person who has been bereaved of both parents can be emotionally challenging and is an incredibly important responsibility. As they navigate their grief journey, the child or young person may need your support in many ways, and they will need you to be understanding, stable, and compassionate. In this blog, we’ll explore seven ways to support a grieving child or young person at such a difficult time in their young life. From acknowledgement to creativity, these strategies are designed to help you provide the support they need to keep moving forward. If you’re supporting a child or young person, you can contact Winston’s Wish for immediate bereavement support or to talk about anything grief related.

Here are seven ways to support a grieving child or young person who has been bereaved of both parents:

Acknowledge secondary losses

Recognise that being bereaved of parents can also bring changes to home life, routine, schools, and care structure. Offer stability where possible by trying to keep some of their routine and comforts the same as before. If the routine or comforts cannot be maintained as before, try to provide opportunities for the child or young person to express how these changes make them feel. Creative outlets like journalling, talking, or making art can help them to let their emotions out instead of bottling them up. You might like to download the Box of Requirement activity to help a child or young person prepare for times when their emotions are starting to get bigger, to help ease those emotions before they feel out of control. Help the child or young person adapt to new environments by reassuring them and encouraging them to try and preserve aspects of their routine, for example by joining a new club like the one they were in before.

Reassure them of their identity

After the death of both parents, a child or young person may struggle with their identity and sense of self. Encourage them to talk about themselves; help remind them of or discover what makes them unique; learn more about their family history. You could support them in finding new ways to strengthen their sense of identity through setting goals for personal achievements, discovering new interests with them, or activities that build self-esteem. Download the Button Tree activity to help a child or young person think about who they have around them to support them and remind them that their parents will always have a special place in their family.

How to help bereaved children understand grief

12 things I wish I’d known about grief

Create spaces for remembering

Help the child or young person keep their memories of their parents, or if they don’t have memories of their own this could be creating space to talk about them and learn about what they were like. Encourage conversations with other caregivers, friends, or family members who can share stories, photos, or traditions, keeping the bond with their parents strong despite the physical absence.

Maintain their relationships

Children who have lost both parents may value their friendships with children their own age just as much as with other adults in their lives. They also need reliable relationships with their caregivers, so it’s important to try and maintain stability and consistency to help them feel secure during a time of uncertainty and possible anxiety about further changes.

Encourage autonomy

Being bereaved of both parents, dependant on age, can heavily impact the health, wellbeing, and safety of a young person. The needs of children and young people of different ages will impact the additional support they might need, for example: an orphaned child aged 6 would need round the clock care; a young adult aged 18 may have been living with parents and now may find themselves suddenly having to look after themselves in their family home; a 23-year-old may have a job and live separately in their own home. Depending on their individual circumstances you may need to help organise the funeral, especially if there are no other family members present. You may need to check how much support and guidance the child or young person is receiving from other services, e.g. social services at the local council, GP, and school.

Allow them some aspects of control

After any death, children are often reminded of how little control they have over their own lives. When both parents have died and a lot in their life may have changed due to secondary losses, providing them with space to exercise their control can be helpful. It’s important to actively listen to what they are telling you and give them options when possible. These small elements of control can help them feel more secure and remind them of their autonomy when the rest of their world might feel very much out of their control.

Find spaces for the child to talk

Recognise that the child may feel different from their friends and people around them, or misunderstood by new people, which can lead to feeling lonely and confused. Let them know they can express these feelings by talking to a bereavement support worker on our phone or live chat. Having a third party to talk to can help provide a different and safe environment to explore difficult emotions.

These approaches aim to provide stability, emotional support, and opportunities for the child to rebuild their sense of self and find comfort during a deeply challenging time. For immediate support from Winston’s Wish, use our on-demand services to talk to someone about supporting a grieving child or young person.

How to get immediate grief support

If you need advice on supporting a bereaved child or young person, you can call the experienced Winston’s Wish team on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, weekdays), email us on ask@winstonswish.org or use our live chat (8am-8pm, weekdays).

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.