Navigating the back-to-school routine can be daunting when your child has suffered from a significant bereavement.
To help, our friends at WAY Widowed and Young have shared some helpful tips from their members – offering advice from widowed parents to make the school year a little less stressful for bereaved children and their carers.
One of the most important things is to ensure your child’s new teacher is fully aware of their situation. Sometimes this information isn’t passed forward. The teacher needs to be aware of triggers and how best to comfort your child when they’re struggling.
It’s crucial to recognise that what may appear as behaviour issues could be a child in trauma, expressing feelings they can’t articulate. Having the school fully on your side is key. Regular check-ins with them and knowing their support plan is important. Ensuring your child knows who to turn to and what they can do can help to ease some anxiety.
At home, if bedtime routines have shifted, slowly return to school-time bedtimes over a couple of weeks. Talk about school – what they’re looking forward to, what they are worried about – and keep all avenues of communication open.
If they are interested, involve them in choosing a new bottle or schoolbag. Reconnecting with a school friend over the summer might also make the transition back easier too
Orla, WAY Member
Make sure teachers know the situation. I emailed every year to ensure new staff were aware, especially those who hadn’t previously worked with my children. Highlight important dates, too.
My late partner’s birthday is in June, and the anniversary of his death is in December, which are both exam times. I worried about this, but I explained this to the school every year. I encouraged my girls to do their best, knowing that removing them on these tricky dates wouldn’t help long term.
Most secondary schools have pastoral support staff. Make sure your child knows who that is, or find out which staff member they can go to if they need support. My children had ‘exit’ passes to leave class if they needed time out
Lisa, WAY Member
My son is starting secondary school, so it’s not just a return to school, but a new one. He’s excited, and we talk about it often. I remind him it’s normal to feel nervous and encourage him to talk about his concerns. I also remind him of where he can go if he needs a break.
In primary school, he sometimes cried in class or on the yard, and his friends were amazing. I’ve told him it’s good to express his emotions and not to be afraid of that. Having a place to go to in secondary school if he needs it is very important
Helen, WAY Member
Talk to the school about any issues or concerns, and keep the communication going. Prepare uniforms, stationery, etc. and label everything clearly. I prefer sew-in tags as they don’t fade or fall off. Take advantage of uniform sales. Most importantly, have fun over the summer so your child has stories to share with their friends in September
Sophie, WAY Member
About WAY
The WAY Widowed and Young community offers a safe space to talk to other people (both with and without children) who understand how it feels to be widowed at a young age.
Click here to see the latest post on WAY from Winston’s Wish.
Find out how WAY can support you at www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
Supporting a bereaved child or young person at school
As you prepare for the new school year, the child or young person you are supporting may need more support as their routine changes.
We have a number of online resources and support that you can access, including our live chat and helpline where you can speak to a Bereavement Support Worker.
Activities to do before going to secondary school
It’s important for a child to find ways to honour the memory of the person as they move onto secondary school. We have a number of activities that you can do together to create a keepsake for their important person.
Download our free activities to help express feelings of grief.