Any milestone or significant life event, such as exam results day, can trigger a wave of grief and lots of different emotions. During studying, bereaved young people may feel distracted or overwhelmed trying to balance revision and grieving. It’s important to try and have conversations about how they are feeling and be patient in navigating this time with them.
Exams can often be a difficult time for most students when people can feel under pressure to perform and to give of their best. This can sometimes feel additionally difficult for students who are grieving, who may find it hard to think clearly, take information in, access memory recall, concentrate and focus, and see the value in doing exams, when their entire world has been turned upside down by losing someone, when their emotions are heightened, when day to day life and things like sleep can already feel a struggle.
Not all young people struggle with exams when grieving though. Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some bereaved young people are highly motivated and focussed on making plans for their future, and sitting exams offers them some distraction from their grief.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and restless at stressful times, such as exams, when change is up ahead, as this may connect with current/past grief feelings/emotions. The bereavement doesn’t have to be recent for grief to affect the student in their exams. Grief feelings can return during important life events and changes.
How can grief impact revision and exams?
Studying for exams while grieving is difficult and anyone who has done it deserves huge acknowledgement and respect. Grief can affect concentration, which makes revision incredibly hard.
Young people may also have had to cope with other massive changes, like moving house, taking on more responsibilities or looking after other siblings. This can impact the time they have to concentrate on schoolwork and revising for exams.
If you know someone who has revised and taken their exams while they are grieving, it doesn’t matter how they have done, acknowledge how hard this time must be: send them a text, post them a card, let them know that you are thinking of them and are proud of them for doing something so difficult.
How to support a bereaved young person revising for exams
Talk to the student before the exams to ask how they would like you to support them. This could include getting them some tasty snacks to enjoy whilst revising, practical and emotional support.
If they are finding it difficult to concentrate, encourage short, bitesize revision sessions of up to 20 minutes, followed by a 10-minute break, will be more effective in aiding memory retention than solid revision for hours at a time. It is important to give the brain time to process information and not to overwhelm it, otherwise this is more likely to cause the student to feel frustrated and disheartened.
Help the young person identify things that calm and relax them, things that they enjoy and experience joy, purpose and satisfaction doing, and things that help them to feel safe, which they can do before the exams, between exams, or as they get ready to go to sleep. These don’t have to be big things, often it’s the ordinary things that can be most helpful. Consider trying to involve as many of your 5 senses as you can- things that they can look at, touch/hold, taste, smell, and listen to, which they identify as bringing them a sense of calmness, feel good and comforting.
Things for education staff to consider with bereaved young people
If the student can have additional time to complete their exams, in recognition that they might get distracted during the exam and think about the person who has died and need time to re-focus on the exam.
If the student can sit their exam in a different room or on their own, so they don’t feel so exposed.
Where needed and wanted by the student, treat grief as you would any additional learning need, and offer adaptations to support the student.
Exam results day
Exam results days can be a reminder that their special person isn’t there to share the day with and they may feel lots of different emotions, whether they are happy or disappointed with their exam results.
Here are some different ways exam results day can impact grieving young people and how you can help them.
How might a grieving young person feel on exam results day?
1. Sad that their important person isn’t there
Those who are happy with their results may want to celebrate but the person who has died isn’t there to share that special moment with. It could be a family member who isn’t there to tell you how proud they are. A classmate who should be celebrating their results too isn’t there. Or maybe results day is a reminder that your sibling won’t ever reach this milestone.
2. Guilty for celebrating their exam results
The grieving young person might then feel guilty that they are celebrating or moving on to the next stage of their life without them, or sad that they aren’t there with them.
3. Worried they have let people down
Young people who don’t get the exam results they hoped for may feel like they have let people down, including the person who has died. They may feel vulnerable and disappointed and wish that the person who has died could comfort them and help them through.
4. That they are on their own
If the person who has died is a parent or carer, then it might also make it more difficult for the young person to navigate the practicalities of clearing, appeals and future placements without them.
Young people often feel lonely and isolated after a death, and it can be difficult for them to be kind to themselves. Encourage them to talk to someone – a family member or someone at school or college – who can help make a practical plan to see a way forward.
Tips for supporting a bereaved young person during exam season
- Remind them that it is ok to be sad or to think or talk about the person who has died on results day.
- Remind them that having fun, celebrating or feeling happy isn’t a sign that they miss that person any less.
- Make some time to remember the person who has died so that it feels like they have been part of this milestone day.
- Suggest the young person writes a letter to the person who has died to tell them how they did and what’s happening – writing can really help with grief and expressing feelings.
- Plan for results day to help them feel prepared to cope with the day.
- If they are likely to find the day upsetting, you could plan to be with certain people or visit a special place to help them feel supported.
- Let them know you are thinking of them and proud of them (no matter what their results are).
- Encourage them to talk to someone who can help them plan the next step.
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Our youth-led website, Talk Grief provides grief support of young people (13-25), giving them access to on-demand services, articles, personal stories and video content – all aimed towards young people! It’s a fantastic tool that can give additional support to young people
How to support a teenager who is grieving
When a teenager experiences the death of someone close to them, their emotions and ability to cope can feel so much more difficult and intensified for the young person and those supporting them. We have some advice on how to talk to a teenager about a death.