Social media is a part of most peoples’ lives today, especially children and young people. Although most platforms have age limits for users, most children aged 12 and under are using YouTube and gaming platforms and some are even on other social media.
For bereaved children and young people, it can be helpful because they can connect with others and view relatable content to support them, but it can also raise challenges.
“I find social media helpful and challenging in my grieving process. Watching TikToks by people my age who share similar experiences makes me feel less alone and reassures me that others understand what I’m going through. Humorous videos from people with coping mechanisms similar to mine also bring me comfort. Social media can also be challenging for me as I am shown posts outside of my control, such as pictures of people with their mums or specific topics that can trigger difficult emotions. Days like Mother’s Day are particularly hard on social media so I try to avoid going on it, so I am not shown lots of posts of people with their mums as in the past it’s made me feel jealous and angry. Overall, my experience with social media is a mix of positives and negatives but I’ve learned how to manage using it in a way that works best for me.”
Henri, Youth Ambassador
First, let’s discover some of the positives around social media for bereaved children and young people.
Finding support networks
Social media can provide a support network, whether that’s family and friends, support groups of people who have had similar experiences, or strangers who share their voices publicly, e.g., celebrities, influencers, or content creators. No matter what time of day someone uses social media, there is always someone else to connect with or relate to, which isn’t always the case in the offline world.
Sharing feelings
For some people, posting on social media can be a helpful way to share feelings, rather than keeping them bottled up. But it’s really important to remember that everyone can see what has been posted on social media, and it can’t be taken back. It’s not like writing it down in a diary or journal, which is private. Anything posted or shared on social media, even if it is deleted, is not necessarily removed from everyone’s view immediately.
Communicating with others
Social media can be a good way to communicate and offers ways to keep in touch with family and friends who might live far away. It can also be a useful way to share news about things related to a person’s death, like funeral arrangements, memorials, and the wishes of the family.
“When I first lost my dad, I found social media really helpful for my grief – I was able to find resources such as poetry and people posting about their lived experience very quickly and easily, and I still really value it as a means of expression for my grief. I love to see other people’s reflections on grief and I think it really helps to raise awareness. However, as the years have gone on, I’ve come across the more negative side of social media and grief – I think it fuels comparison and it can really sting when people are posting on Father’s Day, for example, about how they don’t know what they would do without their dad. Social media has given me some very meaningful connections, but I think it’s good to stay away from it as a viewer at times of year where you’re feeling more raw and sensitive, as it can exacerbate the jealousy and sadness tenfold seeing other people’s everyday posts.”
Miranda, Youth Ambassador
Unfortunately, social media can also be very unhelpful and perhaps give users a negative experience, sometimes contributing to impacts on mental health.
Feeling isolated
If a young person is feeling down and struggling with their thoughts and feelings surrounding grief, social media can make them feel more isolated. Many grieving young people say that they feel different to everyone else and feel isolated, and social media can make this feeling worse.
Social media makes it look like everyone else is having a great time, socialising with friends, and enjoying themselves. But it’s important to remember that other people are just sharing the highlights of their life on social media. They might also be having a difficult time or feeling sad, but they have decided not to share that.
Taking a break from social media can be really helpful when it starts to negatively impact a young person. Encourage some offline activities, like playing a game, drawing, starting a new hobby, or spending time with family and friends.
Triggers and surprise notifications
Many social media networks have features to remind users of special dates like birthdays and anniversaries, which can be difficult if a notification pops up unexpectedly. It’s not like going to visit somebody’s grave or a place that is a chosen action and can feel extremely triggering for young people.
There may also be posts from friends and family sharing their feelings and memories following a bereavement or on a special day, which can also be challenging if these posts come as a surprise.
Finding out about a death online
Sometimes news of a death might be shared on social media, whether it’s by the person’s family, friends. or the media. Finding out about a death through a screen or on a news feed can be really difficult, and it may bring up lots of feelings connected to a previous bereavement.
Where to get support
If you are a bereaved young person or an adult supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, please call us free on 08088 020 021, email ask@winstonswish.org or use our live chat. Speak to a bereavement support worker any time between 8am-8pm, weekdays – no appointments, no waiting lists.
More guidance and support
What to say (and what not to say) to a grieving young person
It can be difficult to know what to say to a bereaved young person. It’s natural to want to comfort them, but sometimes common condolences can actually be upsetting or hurtful. So, we’re giving you some ideas of what to say to a grieving child or young person. Â
Coping with anniversaries and special days after someone has died
Feelings of grief can often resurface on special dates such as anniversaries and birthdays. How do you manage those days? Is it okay to remember? Is it okay to avoid remembering on that day? What can you do on those days?Â