How to talk to children about death in the news

Learning about death in the news or reports about the death of a public figure can significantly affect children, as well as adults. This could be their first experience of death and have trouble understanding it, or maybe this brings up difficult feelings about their previous bereavement again.  

Grief can hit you at random times from seemingly irrelevant events. One event that you may have noticed recently is the passing of someone in the public eye, especially if it is an individual you looked up to. Their passing and the resulting outpour on social media may be a reminder of your grief and emotions. You may be casting your mind back to those first few weeks when the person you loved died and feeling all the raw emotions all over again. You might find yourself empathising with their family and friends and how they are now embarking on their own grief journey like you had to. You may even be looking back at how far you have come since your loved one died. Whatever you are feeling, know that you are not alone. Even though a celebrity passing may seem meaningless, it is just as valid as other triggers, like an anniversary

Daisy, Youth Ambassador

Death may be reported in the news for lots of different reasons, including a natural or mandmade disaster, accident, reporting of a celebrity death, and suicide or homicide. Depending on the nature of the news report, choose and apply the relevant advice below. If you would like to speak to someone because a child or young person’s grief has been triggered by death in the news, please contact us. 

If the news is reporting a celebrity death, the child or young person you are supporting may have idolised the person who has died and perhaps watched them on TV or online regularly, which might make them feel a strong connection to the celebrity. It’s completely normal and valid to feel upset when someone famous dies, and if the child or young person has also been bereaved by someone important in their family or community, their emotions may be heightened by learning about the celebrity’s death. 

Death is often in the news and on social media for lots of different reasons, so it’s important to know how to talk to a child or young person you’re supporting. Here are some tips for talking about death and bereavement: 

Use clear, age-appropriate language 

Although it’s tempting to use terms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’, this can be confusing to children who often take things literally. If they’ve gone to sleep, why can’t we wake them up? If they’re lost, why can’t we find them? Although using words like ‘dead’, ‘died’ and ‘death’ might feel blunt and harsh, these words make it easier for children to understand the finality of death.  

How to explain what death is 

This might be a child or young person’s first experience of death and, if they are younger, they might not fully understand what death actually means. This can be confusing and frightening for them. Our Bereavement Support Team have written this clear way to explain the concept of death: 

When someone dies, their body has stopped working and they can’t be brought back to life. They are no longer able to do the things they could when they were alive, such as move or talk. When someone dies, their heart stops beating, they stop breathing, their brain stops thinking. 

Talking about suicide 

It is a sad fact that suicide rates are tragically on the rise in the UK. Stories are regularly reported in the media, widely communicated in person and across social media, resulting in exposure to sometimes quite distressing reports. 

When these sorts of events hit the news, it’s important to think about how and what we communicate with children and young people. Most children and young people will have heard it talked about, and in some instances, it will be a significant topic of conversation in the playground. 

Remember that all adults, especially teachers, carers and parents, are important role models – and so we need to take the lead. It is appropriate and important to let children and young people know that we are all likely to have an emotional reaction to a tragic event. We can show them that feeling sad, angry, confused or upset is normal, however, we also want to reassure them and show them that we are able to cope with even the most difficult tragedies. 

For families who have experienced the death of a loved one by suicide, stories of suicide in the news can trigger feelings, prompt questions from children, or create an opportunity to tell a child or young person what happened to someone they knew. 

How to explain death to a child

How to explain suicide to children and young people

Break information down into bite-sized chunks 

When a child has heard about a death in the news or from their friends and is asking questions, it can be helpful to break the information down into smaller chunks. Start with the simple details, that the person has died and how they died. How quickly you give all the chunks of information is also dependent on the child’s age and developmental understanding. 

Be honest 

Without clear information, children might ‘fill the gaps’ themselves to try and understand what is happening. If you’re able, it’s better to be open, honest and direct when talking about death. There will also be lots of information available to them elsewhere – on TV, online, overhearing conversations and playground talk. This can mean that children imagine all sorts of things about a death, which are often worse that the reality. 

Let them know their feelings are normal 

Whatever the child or young person is feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, guilt, worry, confusion and more – these are all valid, normal reactions after learning about the death of someone. They may not be upset because they didn’t really have a connection to the celebrity, and that’s fine. However, if they are upset, it would be unhelpful to say something like, ‘you didn’t know them so you can’t be sad,’ and, instead, reassure them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling because their connection is real to them. 

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Reassure and comfort 

The way in which adults talk about tragic events can convey a lot. Children will be more reassured by a straightforward, matter-of-fact tone than by the actual words used. So, whilst acknowledging sadness or upset, we want to be calm and reassuring in our manner. 

All children (and adults) will respond differently to death – but what is universally needed by children is love, kindness, and reassurance. 

Be honest about your own emotions 

It’s okay to let children and young people know that you feel sad too. It helps them to understand that their own emotions are normal and healthy – and it gives them permission to accept them. 

Getting professional grief support 

Call to speak with a Bereavement Support Worker. Freephone 08088 020 021, 8am to 8pm weekdays (excluding Bank Holidays).

Email us on ask@winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form and we’ll reply within two working days.

Chat online with a member of our bereavement team between 8am and 8pm, weekdays (excluding Bank Holidays). Click on the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen.

For out of hours mental health support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

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