Christmas can be a really difficult time for bereaved families. Here are some tips from members of the charity WAY Widowed and Young about how they have navigated the festive season in the past…
We light a candle in the morning and let it burn all day, to honour that there’s a person missing but without it feeling like an empty chair.
It’s ok to make new traditions without your person and it’s ok to feel joy, just as much as it’s ok to ditch all the traditions and pretend like it’s not happening – there’s no right way of marking the day or the loss.
We have a ‘daddy’ ornament that we hang in the middle of the tree every year. The kids take turns to choose where to hang it up.
Sarah
Our first Christmas without Andy I ordered some sandwich platters etc to pick up Christmas Eve so we could have picky bits if and when we wanted as we couldn’t face sitting down at the table without him.
Sharron
Have a plan/strategy. Have things to do lined up but don’t overcommit to social events. Pace yourself and accept you might not feel up to doing any of them but they are there if you want to. If there are no social events, have a few things to get done around the house or other projects such as crafts.
Joanna
One of the most difficult jobs I found at Christmas was putting up the decorations/tree as that was always something my husband loved to do. This will be my ninth Christmas without him and we have now decorated the tree with the children and their boyfriend or girlfriend and new memories have been made. It’s still difficult but less so. We speak about how my husband had to have a colour theme and how he would have laughed at our disastrous efforts.
Lisa
We started new traditions of having no traditions… one year Christmas dinner was finger food, another year a burger in Disneyland, another in a restaurant.
We have a sleepover at my mam’s on Christmas Eve so the three of us (mam, son and I) are not alone and still open presents together Christmas morning.
Tracey
Last year was our first Christmas and we went with no traditions and no fuss. We didn’t do a Christmas dinner. We wanted to order something off Deliveroo, see whatever there was. We ended up with gyros, which the kids now want to become a tradition.
There was no big present opening session. We did the stockings and then opened a couple of presents throughout the day. The kids (they were eight and five last year) had written on their Father Christmas letter that it had been a rubbish year and I should get more presents as well because I’m so sad. They told me to put a stocking out. I then snuck some chocolates into mine so it looked like he had visited. It was the most excited they were all day and I wish I could have taken a photo of the moment my son checked my stocking and realised there was something in it! It was pure joy!
Sam
Nick died on 15 December 2019. Each year I try and book a family outing on the day to keep us busy and each year we create a new tradition for Christmas. The first year we got a real Christmas tree. This wasn’t something we had done in the past and each year we include this now. This year I am thinking a pantomime.
Sharon
Doing Christmas as a solo parent is exhausting and relentless and it’s really important to be kind to yourself in the process. It doesn’t have to be big and brilliant every moment. It just needs to be full of love – and you are enough, even when you don’t feel like it.
Sarah
About WAY
The WAY Widowed and Young community offers a safe space to talk to other people (both with and without children) who understand how it feels to be widowed at a young age.
Find out how WAY can support you at www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
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