Christmas can be especially tough for bereaved families. Getting through the festive season can take a lot of strength and some creative thinking. Here are some tips from members of the charity WAY Widowed and Young members about how they have coped…
I’ve genuinely taken the pressure off myself when it comes to Christmas, and just lean into what feels right each year. The first year that meant basically ignoring the day, and now it means continuing with some traditions that Nick and I started, and bringing my daughter into them. So Nick and I had a tradition of buying a bauble each year for the tree, that reflected a trip, or event that we’d experienced that year. Now my daughter and I choose one, so by the time she’s grown up, we’ll have a tree that’s decorated with memories of our family story. This feels like a really lovely way to bring together both my previous and current life.
Every other year I’ve made a point of spending the holidays in our own house, but this year I’ve randomly decided to book a two-week trip abroad so that’s bucked that trend.
Rachel, WAY Member
After an awful first Christmas, we began to go to Butlins in between Christmas and New Year. I paid monthly throughout the year and it gave us something to look forward to. The kids were always busy there. We watched the shows, swam and it was somewhere that had no memories of James.
Also, plan some down time for yourself in between the seemingly endless carol concerts and school events. They are exhausting and emotionally draining so be gentle on yourself and your emotions. It’s fine to do nothing some days.
Also take comfort in your WAY friends. Keep posting, chatting online. It really helps you to feel less alone.
Sarah, WAY Member
With Christmas looming on the horizon, here’s something that hopefully may inspire others to do the same.
It’s a Christmas tradition that started for us a few years ago.
My husband Sam and my girls’ Daddy is obviously no longer here to buy Christmas presents for, so we decided to spend some of the money we would’ve spent on presents doing a grocery shop to drop off at the food bank.
It’s great to get my girls involved in buying and delivering it to the food bank and I explain why some people need help.
Although there’s nothing we can do to stop the grief of not being a complete family anymore, we can help other families in need in a practical way over Christmas.
Then that helps to heal the hurt a little bit.
Trudy, WAY Member
We always did the boys’ Christmas stocking – spending hours on Christmas Eve wrapping lots of little things so they had things to open. This was my wife’s favourite part, watching them open so many things, making them guess what we had bought them.
Fast forward this year. I tried to keep the tradition, and even though they are 18 and 20, I did it. I was really proud I’d managed it.
They then surprised me (and nearly broke me) by making me my own!
No matter how hard it seems, it will get better. They will grow out of phases, become amazing thoughtful adults, and there is hope for all of you. And even the smallest thing like this makes it all worth it
Paul, WAY Member
About WAY
The WAY Widowed and Young community offers a safe space to talk to other people (both with and without children) who understand how it feels to be widowed at a young age.
Click here to see the latest post on WAY from Winston’s Wish.
Find out how WAY can support you at www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
Coping with grief over Christmas
Christmas can be an incredibly difficult time when someone important has died. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months or years ago, it can be difficult to cope with your grief.
To help, we’ve put together ways in which you can support children and young people over the festive season.
Grief at Christmas: Common questions asked by parents and carers
Grief at Christmas can be tough for parents and carers who feel like you need to celebrate Christmas for your children. You are not the only one struggling with this.
Our Bereavement Support Team share the most common questions received by parents and carers, and what support you can give.