Two girls sitting on a hammock - manage grief over summer holidays - Photo by SI Janko Ferlic on Unsplash

5 ways to manage grief in the summer holidays

We know that the summer holidays can be a difficult time for grieving families, children, and young people. Losing the consistent routine of school or college can affect people and bring up lots of different emotions. Our team of Support Workers share five ways to manage grief and emotions over the summer holidays:

1. Acknowledge goodbyes with teachers and school friends

Sometimes when someone dies there isn’t an opportunity to say goodbye to that person. Or, even if there was, that goodbye may have felt that it happened too soon. Secondary losses, such as the end of a school year or leaving friends or teachers behind, can bring up similar emotions and also feel like grief.

Moving classes and transitioning to a new school can be difficult. These children and young people may really benefit from being given the opportunity to acknowledge goodbyes with their classmates and teachers. Try making or doing something to mark the occasion. This could be something like writing a card or letter to a teacher or signing each other’s school shirts. This can help to process the change and have something to remember the moment by.

2. Plan ahead for September

Leaving a teacher or teaching assistant behind can sometimes be harder than leaving friends. That teacher or TA might know everything about how school life works for the child or young person, and starting fresh may feel daunting.

With the new school or class in mind, consider creating an ‘All About Me’ sheet that allows the child or young person to share what they want their new teacher to know. This could include important dates such as birthdays or anniversaries of the person who died, and maybe some information about what they feel comfortable talking about and the types of conversations to avoid. For example: if a class is going to be taught about a subject related to the way the person died, the teacher could know in advance and possibly provide something else for the child to do.

Teachers might also need to know what to look out for if the child is having a difficult day and how they can best respond. Often teachers tell us they’re worried about making the situation worse. So giving them all this information at the start of the new term will help them to be prepared as best they can be.

3. Prepare for questions that may come up

Changing schools or starting at college can cause anxious thoughts and feelings. One of the ways to manage these feelings is to try to prepare for questions that might come up from new teachers or classmates. Perhaps make a list of possible questions and plan out some answers. Questions could include things like: “What does your mum do?”, “How many siblings do you have?”, “Why does your nan come to parents evening?”. 

This can also be helpful for children moving from primary to secondary school. They have lots of big adjustments to make at this exciting time; they’ll be given more responsibility and freedom, they’ll make new friends, and have new experiences. They may feel that they are moving from their safe environment of primary school, where people already know what happened and they have already answered these questions, to a whole new world where they have to once again revisit what happened. 

Prepare for the kind of questions that might get asked and think about how to respond. Is it best to answer openly or honestly? What if it doesn’t feel like the right time to answer? Who can help if the questions bring up emotions?  

If possible, at the start of term try to seek out someone in the school or college who can help with unexpected emotions. There may be a suitable teacher, assistant, school nurse, or counsellor. 

4. Acknowledge that things feel different

Perhaps the person who died was the one who managed the childcare over the school holidays and now that’s going to be the responsibility of someone else. Adjustments may have to be made and that can be challenging for families and households.

For some children and young people, this time of year serves as a reminder that their family or household set up feels different to how they’ve previously known it. Going out or away on holiday and seeing other families might trigger some unexpected feelings. We’re often told by children and young people who’ve lost a parent that it’s difficult when they see families with two parents. It’s completely normal and okay to feel this way, acknowledging that things feel different to how they once were can help to normalise reactions and emotions.

Perhaps consider doing something to acknowledge the person who died. Go out for their favourite meal, go for a walk in their favourite place, watch their favourite TV show.

Writing about the feelings that come up can really help children and young people, consider creating a journal or if the child is young, try our Rainbow Review Activity.

5. Have fun!

Having fun is important too. We talk a lot about having time and space to remember and reflect on those people who have died. It’s equally important to allow yourself permission to enjoy life and have fun.

It’s true when people say life doesn’t feel the same, but this doesn’t mean it has to be a life without laughter and enjoyment. Emotions come and go all the time, there’s no reason to feel guilty or uncomfortable about having a good day (or a good five minutes).

It’s okay to experience moments of joy after someone has died. As important as it is to remember them and share memories, it’s also important to make memories with those around us today.

Where to get support

Winston’s Wish is a charity that helps children, teenagers and young adults (up to the age of 25) find their feet when their worlds are turned upside down by grief. If you are a bereaved young person or an adult supporting a bereaved child or young person who is struggling with their grief, please call us on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, weekdays), email ask@winstonswish.org or use our live chat (8am-8pm, weekdays). They will be able to offer guidance, information and support.

If you need urgent support, our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7. Text WW to 85258

Winston’s Wish is a charity. We rely on our army of supporters for 92% of our income so we can continue to provide free bereavement support for children and young people. If you would like to support us, you can make a donation here.

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Other resources you might find helpful

Female teacher talking to a female pupil next to school lockers - support for schools - Winston's Wish
Support for schools

Advice and resources for schools on how to support grieving pupils, including an example bereavement policy and online training.

Activities for bereaved children
Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.